Work, work, work......

To 'Mommy Needs A Cocktail', maybe it's my noobishness about all of this, but I couldn't find a spot to comment you? Thank you for reading me! I read through yours too and we have much in common :)


(The following is a blog that I wrote after a bad night at work a few weeks ago. Background on my job: I work 3rd shift as a cashier/stocker/all around bitch at a *gasp* Super Wal-Mart. I get decent pay for doing nothing some nights and busting my arse other nights, so I don't want to get into the 'they treat people so badly' discussion. Those are mostly people that got fired that complain...at least in my opinion.)

If you are 160 lbs at no more than 5'2 you should NOT be buying size medium (juniors!!!!) bikinis. Granted, the bikini could have been for a daughter or a friend, but from the looks of what the chick was wearing, I seriously doubt it. By all means, be confident! Rock a bikini if you feel comfortable, but PLEASE don't try to squeeze a size XL into a medium. It's not sexy. And it can't be comfortable.

Don't be abnormally talkative with your cashier out of nowhere. If you normally walk about talking to yourself, telling your um, imaginary friend to watch your stuff as you go into the restroom, please, continue to do so. When you're all of a sudden chatty with the cashier that you usually ignore, she may wonder what you're up to. Freaky. And it happened with 2 different customers today! What, did they all of a sudden realize I try to be friendly and decide after 2 years that I'm worthy of speaking to? Please, by all means, go back to acting as if I'm not really there. It's much more comfortable like that.

You should never, ever, ever answer your cashier's 'how are you today?' with how your dog died, your boyfriend ran off with your welfare check, and your grandmother is in jail for selling crack. And we really don't care if Maury still hasn't found your baby daddy. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but not by much! I asked how you are, I expect 'I'm fine thanks, how are you?' I really don't even listen for that. I'm being civil, I have my own problems, I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOURS!!!!!

I know prices are going up. I don't care that three weeks ago you paid $2 for that bottle of Advil that you just paid $2.15 for. Things change, gas prices are up, therefore delivery is up, therefore YOUR price goes up. Deal with it, I do.

Don't tell me to smile if I'm not smiling. Period. If I wanted to smile, I would. You are not going to change the tone of my day.

Do not come to the register with $30 in your pocket with a cartful of clothing, food and personal care products. If you can't figure out that the things you wish to purchase are going to run about $300, you should not be allowed out of your house. We have to put that crap back. We totally understand having to put back one or two items, but when we have to get another shopping cart for the things you can't get, we're gonna be pissed and you may get attitude. Which, of course, you don't understand why......how could you? You can't do a little simple addition.

It's not our fault that you've overdrawn your account and your $3 purchase is being declined. I didn't spend your money, and I'm not making the register decline you for fun. And no, swiping your credit card again will not trick the machine and make it magically authorize the purchase. Although, we are highly amused when you swipe 6 different credit cards and every one of them get declined. That gives us something to gossip about later, and adds to our collection of 'let me tell you what this idiot did!' stories.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, leave your small children wandering about expecting us to make sure some pedophile doesn't grab them. Granted, I would stop it if I saw it, I can't pay attention to your children while you're off shopping. I believe I may call the cops next time. I should, just for the anxiety attack I almost had that night. Cute kids, but not my responsibilty. The playroom is for kids, sure, but not for unattended kids, and it's not a daycare center.

I don't want to handle the slobbery box of cookies your snot nosed kid was just gnawing on. If you're going to give your kid a box of animal crackers to munch on while you're shopping, please grab an extra one that I can ring up without donning a biochemical suit.

The spinny thing the bags are on are not toys. Please do not allow your child to spin it faster and faster while I'm trying to bag your groceries. It's annoying and shows your lack of parenting skills. Besides, little fingers get hurt easily. And on that note, I don't wanna hear your brat scream bloody murder when he or she gets knocked in the head by the thingy sticking out to hold the bags.

On second thought, on my shift, leave the kids at home. They should be in the bed.